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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23510785">2am and I’m still breathing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuhrelise/pseuds/fuhrelise'>fuhrelise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2am writing be hitting different, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insomnia, Late Night Conversations, Post-Season/Series 02, Reading, s4 was canceled due to quarantine and I’m upset</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:47:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23510785</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuhrelise/pseuds/fuhrelise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Waverly’s more than willing to listen to Nicole, but walls are high and to break them, you need a wrecking ball.</p><p>Or</p><p>Nicole’s an insomniac and Waverly just wants to sleep.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>2am and I’m still breathing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>trying to forget about the fact that quarantine caused the postponement of season 4, I wrote some fluff filled (a bit angsty ??) wayhaught instead of sleeping so enjoy ! &lt;3</p><p>title inspired by ‘floating’ by khalid.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2am late night reading was usually the way to go for Nicole.</p><p>She sat perched up against the bed frame, waist and legs covered by the thick duvet. A pale night light shone from above her shoulder where she had clipped it on the bed frame, illuminating the words laid out on the open pages of her book. A pair of round glasses (she had, much to her disappointment and to Waverly’s amusement, found to have difficulty reading without them) were perched on the bridge of her nose. Chocolate brown eyes scanned phrase after phrase, occasionally lifting a hand to flip onto the next page. Next to her, Waverly snored softly, chest heaving and falling with each breath.</p><p>Nicole spared a glance at her watch: 1:40am. Her head hit the back of the bed and lforbore a groan. She tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes but to no avail.</p><p>She had worked for hours on end. Since she had shown interest in becoming sheriff, Nedley had been on her heels and piling files upon files of cases on her desk before she had even overpassed the threshold of Purgatory’s Sheriff Department. Nicole didn’t mind the paperwork and the on-field cases - on the contrary, she enjoyed being busy - but it kept her long away from home; from her girlfriend.</p><p>The morning, Nicole left, coffee mug in hand and lips pressed to a sleep-drunken Waverly’s forehead, the memory of a kiss to leave her satisfied until she returned at night.</p><p>Waverly occupied herself by taking online courses; her parents had had a knack of discouraging her passions all throughout her childhood, praising instead Willa and Wynonna for their immeasurable interest in her father’s guns. She had started the courses late, but her brilliance made up for it. When the online classes weren’t taking place, Waverly would spend most of the day, lazing around the apartment. Some days, Wynonna would drop by to keep her company. They shared a chat - usually over lunch - about how life at the homestead was and about her classes and about Nicole.</p><p>Wynonna would ask her sister if she worried about Nicole, with all the on-field cases she had to take. Waverly would smile and shake her head. She wasn’t worried. Except she was.</p><p>Waverly worried. Constantly. And Nicole knew this.</p><p>She also knew that, if asked, Waverly would never admit to sitting on the edge of the couch with Calamity Jane on her lap checking her phone every few minutes for a call when Nicole wasn’t home by dinner; she would never admit to jumping helplessly to her feet and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend the moment the door fell open, crying softly into her shoulder.</p><p>Waverly lay by Nicole, a strand of hair taking to the air when a soft exhale escaped her partially open lips and then settled back upon her face. Nicole puffed out her cheeks and blew out. Insomnia hadn’t been as fun as it used to be when she lived alone. Not that insomnia had ever been fun - but part of Nicole missed the absence of a pair of eyes boring into her head whenever she yawned or poured herself an extra mug of coffee or took one too many pills than those she had been prescribed.</p><p>Nicole appreciated how much Waverly worried and cared about her, but Nicole wished she took it easy on the both of them. It wouldn’t do either of them any good if they shared so much stress on both their shoulders. Nicole could carry the weight; she had been since she was a little girl, since the massacre happened.</p><p><em> Bulshar </em>. The name that had triggered the memories. Nicole felt as though she was seven years old again, staring at the blank ceiling, fighting to find the best side to sleep on, but it was no use. Closing her eyes meant seeing the corpses lying in the pool of blood in the woods and little Nicole Haught could not bear seeing those images again. The first time round had already been enough.</p><p>Fear had grabbed onto her, claws digging deep into her flesh and bones, no way to shake it off. Luckily, she had found comfort in passing the time until she eventually fell asleep - if she did, that is - by reading her troubles away, devouring one book after the other.</p><p>Waverly shifted under the covers, pulling Nicole out of the book, turned on her side and smiled drowsily. “What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”</p><p>Nicole returned the smile, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “Hey. You should sleep, it’s almost two.”</p><p>“Hm, can’t.” Waverly replied, leaning into Nicole’s hand and tilting her head to plant a brief kiss on her palm. “You’re one to talk. What are you reading?”</p><p>Nicole shrugged, flipping the book shut, “Nothing.” She switched off the nightlight, placed book and glasses on the nightstand and snuggled back under the covers, facing Waverly. Her breaths fell softly on Nicole’s face, the blunt odor of spearmint from her toothpaste filling her nostrils.</p><p>Waverly reached up, fingers tracing her girlfriend’s bare arms. The warmth emanating from her touch defrosted the cool skin and Nicole shivered visibly. Waverly met her eyes in the darkness and smiled softly.</p><p>“Are you going to tell me about it?”</p><p>Nicole sighed, eyes shutting. It. They both knew what she was referring to. Nicole had kept her recurring memories of Bulshar hushed from prying ears, trusting only Dolls with such a secret. He had helped her with the research, solving the puzzle together, something Waverly was not happy about; always stealing pleading glances to Nicole or trying in any way to bring up the subject. Nicole managed to avoid talking about it each time. Now they were laying in bed at 2 in the morning and there seemed to be no escape from it.</p><p>“Waves, we’ve talked about this.”</p><p>“No,” Waverly retorted, “we haven’t.”</p><p>“Okay, we haven’t.”</p><p>A beat.</p><p>“Why won’t you be more honest with me?” Waverly blurted out, a tinge of hurt in her words.</p><p>“Frankly, Waverly, I don’t feel at ease talking about this.”</p><p>“But I’m your girlfriend.”</p><p>Nicole shut her mouth, searching for a reply. But how can you reply to that? <em> Sorry, I don’t make distinctions when I decide who I talk to about my childhood trauma. </em> Would’ve been a lovely way to be dumped before the night ended.</p><p>No reply, so Waverly spoke again. “You have insomnia and you read to drown out those memories in that beautiful mind of yours.”</p><p>Her hand smoothed over Nicole’s short red locks, stopping briefly at the nape of her neck to twist a strand of curly hair around her fingers.</p><p>“Just wish I knew why you do that,” Waverly murmured, eyes detaching from Nicole’s. “When you read, you don’t acknowledge anyone, not even your own thoughts. And I wonder how horrible these thoughts must be for you to completely drown them out.”</p><p>Nicole swallowed hard. She took a moment to reassess herself and make up her mind, deciding what words to put in a sentence. In one breath, she spoke: “Sometimes I wish I could disappear while I’m reading. I wish I could turn on the power off button for the whole world except for you, because I can’t bear the thought of missing your words.”</p><p>Waverly found her eyes again. In the darkness, they fleetingly caught the reflection of the moon. Nicole saw galaxies expand and black holes implode behind Waverly’s eyes.</p><p>“I bet you say that to all the girls. What is that, Shakespear?” Waverly chaffed but her features and her tone didn’t give away the tumbling of the seriousness coating her facade.</p><p>Nicole smiled softly in the dark, hand slipping under the covers to rest on her girlfriend’s waist. The warm touch made Waverly jolt; Nicole noticed it.</p><p>“No,” Nicole whispered, “just you.”</p><p>Waverly scooted closer, batting her eyelashes as she peered up at Nicole. The redhead felt herself almost melt then and there. Nicole knew what she was doing; trying to take down the walls brick by brick with a simple look - and it almost worked. Nicole almost opened her mouth and blurted out the truth about everything; Bulshar, her parents, the fair. She was almost afraid her eyes would give it all away, as if Waverly could see right past the layers of skin and tissue and into her memories, her dreams. Nicole pressed her lips together, not trusting herself to keep quiet.</p><p>Waverly finally sighed, breaking eye contact and giving up her research, “Fine, you win.” Her voice was soft and quiet, coated in defeat, and Nicole almost sighed as the weight of Waverly’s gaze lifted off her shoulders.</p><p>“One day, when you will feel comfortable enough to tell me about it, I’ll be here. Always.”</p><p>Nicole absentmindedly smiled, barely letting the words register. “Thank you for understanding.”</p><p>Waverly returned the smile and Nicole swore the room lit up, “Of course.”</p><p>She moved closer and the redhead wrapped an arm around her shoulders, her thumb lazily grazing her girlfriend’s shoulder. Nicole felt herself drift off to sleep, eyes sliding shut and limbs falling limp, when...</p><p>“Nicole, I…”</p><p>She turned her head and found Waverly peering up at her, teeth nibbling softly on her bottom lip. Nicole lay patiently, a question sitting on her tongue but for some reason she did not feel it was her turn to speak, nor the right time to do so. The anxious way Waverly tugged at the loose string of Nicole’s purple top gave her confirmation of her doubt.</p><p>They spent an eternity gazing at each other, eyes burrowing past all defenses they had tried to build up. Nicole thought that if she listened closely, she would just about make out the words threatening to spill out of Waverly’s partially open lips.</p><p>She gave her a second longer before, taking it no more, Nicole leaned over and captured her girlfriend’s lips into her own. Waverly sighed softly into it and Nicole knew she had drowned any thought Waverly was about to put into words. A string of unspoken words and promises passed through their lips when Nicole slipped her tongue into Waverly’s mouth.</p><p>Pulling away, both the women’s breathing was heavy. Waverly’s mouth was still open, eyes glazed over with what Nicole could second guess was a mix of surprise and lust.</p><p>“I-I…” Waverly stammered, licking her lips.</p><p>
  <em> I love you. </em>
</p><p>She wasn’t ready. But it didn’t matter, because then Nicole whispered: “I know,” and Waverly’s shoulders dropped, relief washing over her. The redhead leaned over to plant another kiss, this time on her forehead and Waverly shut her eyes, sighing at the contact.</p><p>The air clung thick between the two, even as Waverly cuddled deeper into Nicole’s chest and as they drifted off to sleep, the words heavy like a rock dangling from a thin string.</p><p>Shooting another glance at her girlfriend snoring softly at her side, Nicole let sleep take her for a good night’s rest for the first time in days.</p>
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